If you haven’t already heard, it’s official – we’re moving. In fact, we put our house on the market and it was sold 12 hours later. No joke. Are we sad to see it go? Of course. It was our first. We’ve literally poured blood sweat and tears to transform this house into a home.
So why did we do it? I’ve been asked hundreds of times in recent weeks. Why would we voluntarily abandon our beautiful, ridiculously low mortgaged, perfectly located, recently remodeled dream kitchen home in the middle of a scorching Floridian summer no less? Are we crazy? Ok maybe a little. But it was a no brainer.
For Henry.
I grew up with my father only listening to talk radio while in the car. In the afternoons on the way home from school we’d catch the Dr. Laura program on the local AM station. For many years I would listen to her verbally terrorize callers, most of which I found the answers to their inquires to be quite obvious.
Anyways, years later as I make my own daily commutes I find myself listening in on satellite radio to the same shrill voice dealing the same harsh criticism. However, while at times self-righteous and uneccesarily abrasive, many of her prescriptions ring true. One pearl that has always occupied a corner of my mind, especially since Henry’s arrival, is this: “If you died tomorrow and could come back as a child to be raised by either a nanny, a daycare, or a loving parent, which would you choose?”
The answer is obvious, right? But many would argue that this isn’t that simple. Those choices aren’t mutually exclusive. In fact, they are. They really are.
It is a common human idea that you can only truly be exceptional at something if you devote your time, energy, focus. Your whole soul. To be the “best” at something means to have the desire, the focus, an willingness to sacrifice. Whether the goal is to be the ultimate athlete or wealthiest tycoon – the same rules apply. Just as they do to motherhood.
Most of us women will at some time juggle the juggle and dance the dance that modern societal ideals have thrust upon us. Just Google the phrase “having it all” and thousands of results ranging from high-profile news networks to grass roots blogging circles will have something to say on the topic. Interestingly enough, the most recent articles have increasingly begun to question the once-purveying idea that “having it all” was a perfectly worthy and even attainable goal. Perhaps after a few decades of trying for such a lofty idea, many have come to the same conclusion that could have been earlier learned by the tale of Icarus.
I won’t disparage those who try, but after attempting the flight myself, I can’t see how it ends well. The math just doesn’t add up and the things we tell ourselves to assuage the guilt don’t really work. Dropping Henry off at daycare doesn’t get easier. Institutionalized settings in infancy are not providing him with an advantage for elementary education.
Maybe in the evenings when Henry is asleep or when he is older and in school I’ll feed any hunger for professional achievements by developing a talent or interest into a small business. But I’ll always be watchful for signs that it’s taking priority over my true calling.
So this is where we are. I say “we” because Zachary and I are in this together – the only way a successful marriage and parenting team can be. We are devoted to provide Henry with the BEST life he can have, to be the most exceptional parents we can be. That requires sacrifice.
That sacrifice might take the form of time, money, or pride, but likely all three. So If that means less frequent trips to Disney World, fewer nights ordering out dinner, or less praise from the corporate world, then ok. Because I cannot fathom that in 5, 10, 25, or 50 years that Henry or I will look back with regret.
What I would regret are the days wasted in an office while Henry takes his first steps into another’s arms. The hours of laughter heard by another’s ears. The moments snuggled into another’s chest.
It hasn’t been easy to get to this point, and we’re not quite there – but it’s within our grasp. There will always be opposition, even by those who you’d never suspect. But it will be worth it. Because if you died and came back tomorrow, who would you choose?
